To be or not to be.. the greatest choice of all?

No, this isn’t a post about suicide, or even suicidal thoughts. Although in your case it might be. It’s a post inspired by the words of another blogger, , who wrote ‘I would rather bleed from the choices I make then be hurt by what someone choose for  me.’ It’s a post about making choices.

As a humanistic psychotherapist I often see people with anger issues. People  who tell me they can’t control what they say in arguments with loved ones, or lash out verbally at their children and are instantly remorseful. People who tell me about the ‘red mist’ coming down.

There are practical tips all over the webosphere for controlling anger, and these are (mostly) helpful. But my first suggestion to a client is that the next time they are in a situation where they find themselves getting angry, they might try to just notice what’s going on. How they are physically in their body, what’s going through their mind, how they are feeling.

Because by noticing how they are when their anger is triggered, the next time they might notice a bit sooner in the process. And that is key. If I don’t notice I’m angry until I’m exploding, then I’m on autopilot. I’m reacting. If I notice as the anger builds, then I can decide how to act. I am responding. I have a choice.

This is clearly only part of the process of the therapy; finding out together why it happens and what may be underlying the anger is the real work. But that’s another story. Choice is part of the taking back of control in our lives. When we allow others to make choices for us – as we do when we let someone wind us up to the point of explosion – then we are giving up our power. We can’t help feeling emotions like anger, sadness and fear. But we can choose what we do with them.

Have a great weekend.

 

4 thoughts on “To be or not to be.. the greatest choice of all?

  1. “We can’t help feeling emotions like anger, sadness and fear. But we can choose what we do with them.” Excellent advice. Our whole life is based around the concept of ‘action and reaction’. Like Newton pointed out in his third law of motion, “To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” All that we need is a trigger to initiate the action. Everything else then just follows. This is even more prominent in case of our emotions. Hence it becomes more important to step back, understand the trigger and the mechanism behind our reaction. To pluck that emotion, examine it closely. Only then we will be able to choose: whether to act or react.
    Thanks for the pingback Anniega. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This is such a practical advice. I know anger is one of the most difficult emotions to observe and once we start observing it it can’t stay for long so your suggestions make perfect sense 🙂

    Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Love and light ❤

    Anand 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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